


home is such a lonely place (without you)

by doctorkaitlyn



Series: Ladies Bingo 2020 [3]
Category: The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/F, Post-Series, Season/Series 01 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:22:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27015703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctorkaitlyn/pseuds/doctorkaitlyn
Summary: Dani isn’t coming back. Of course she isn’t. Pretending otherwise is a waste of time.But Jamie is a stubborn person. Like a person remaining hopelessly devoted to their faith even when evidence to the contrary is roughly shoved in their face, she won’t give up that easily. She can’t. Even if nothing ever happens, even if Dani remains in the dark and the cold, the least that Jamie can do istry.So she tries.
Relationships: Dani Clayton/Jamie
Series: Ladies Bingo 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1956031
Comments: 7
Kudos: 99
Collections: Ladies Bingo 2020





	home is such a lonely place (without you)

**Author's Note:**

> written for the 'hopelessly devoted' square on my [Ladies Bingo 2020](https://ladiesbingo.dreamwidth.org/) bingo card.
> 
> this show absolutely wrecked me, and I _meant_ to write fluff, but then this happened, so... oops. title from [the song of the same name](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=czAKwUT-s_Q) by blink-182.

Jamie knows that it is a longshot. She knows that it is an exercise in futility. She knows that, no matter what she does, no matter how many times she leaves a door cracked open or a bathtub filled to the brim, it won’t make a difference. 

Dani isn’t going to come back. 

She isn’t going to rise from her watery grave, the same grave that Jamie sees whenever she closes her eyes, and cross the Atlantic Ocean. She isn’t going to leave her footprints behind on the seabed as she makes her way back into Jamie’s arms. She isn’t going to waver from her preordained path, the one that leads her from her tangled bed of seaweed into the dusty, empty halls of the manor house and back again. There isn’t going to be a day where Viola’s hatred and rage and _fury_ bleeds out of her eyes, leaving only Dani behind, sweet Dani with her heart of gold and strength of steel. 

She’s gone. She’s well and truly gone. On some level, Jamie has known this since the last time she returned to Bly, since that horrible day where she flung herself into the lake and saw her beautiful wife swathed in mud and murky water. Since that day where she crawled back onto the shore with sodden clothes and screamed at the grey sky until her throat went raw and her face burned with tears. 

One glimpse at the emptiness in Dani’s eyes had been enough to know that she was gone. And, if Jamie was a less stubborn person, maybe she would have left it at that. She would have spent her years in grieving, would have gone to therapy and rediscovered the numbing powers available in a bottle of alcohol. Eventually, she would have tried to move on, would have tried to get back out there and meet someone else, someone who had never been tainted by the supernatural, someone boring and _safe_. 

Because Dani isn’t coming back. Of course she isn’t. Pretending otherwise is a waste of time. 

But Jamie _is_ a stubborn person. Like a person remaining hopelessly devoted to their faith even when evidence to the contrary is roughly shoved in their face, she won’t give up that easily. She can’t. Not when she has seen the impossible happen in front of her very eyes. 

She spent far too much of her life invested in Dani to just give up on her, to betray the many years they had together. Even if nothing ever happens, even if Dani remains in the dark and the cold, the least that Jamie can do is _try_. 

So she tries. 

Wherever she goes, she tries to make sure that Dani will feel welcome. If she’s at home, still in the tiny plant-filled apartment that was their safe haven for so long, she fills the bathtub up every night. She leaves the bedroom window that connects to the fire escape open a little, regardless of the weather, just far enough that slim fingers could slide into the space between the frame and sill and haul it open. She has installed a bell above the front door of the apartment, and she has never changed the locks, just in case Dani still has her key with her. 

If she’s away at a hotel, in addition to filing up whatever she can, the bathtub if one is available or the sinks in the bathroom and kitchenette if there is only a shower cubicle, she always leaves the door open a crack, just far enough for the warm orange glow from the hallway to spill inside. If the bed has a direct line of sight of the door, then she will contently settle in – otherwise, she will sleep wherever is necessary, move furniture if need be, so long as she can keep her eye on the door. This has led to some uncomfortable situations; she’s had housekeeping staff come in while she was dozing, thinking that the room was empty, and she’s woken up to other guests, usually drunk, stumbling inside under the impression that they were entering their own rooms. 

But such encounters are merely uncomfortable. At most, she loses a few hours of sleep, which she can easily make up when she’s back in her own bed, _their_ own bed. 

If it is a case of having her sleep interrupted by someone barging in or missing a chance to see Dani again, she would be content to never sleep restfully again. 

So she keeps on, following a preordained path of her own, going through the motions every single night. She fills up the tub with water. She leaves a door or window open, and she keeps herself positioned so that she can see that door or window. She sleeps in fits and starts, and she wakes up every single morning, and Dani is still gone. She goes about her day, and once evening falls, she begins the process anew again. 

It’s a hopeless endeavour. She knows that. Of course she knows that. 

But if anything in the world, any person or deity or object, is worthy of her devotion, hopeless as it may be, it’s Dani. The love of her life. Her Poppins. 

She fills the tubs and sinks. She makes sure Dani has a way back to her, and she makes sure that she’s positioned so that the first thing she’ll see when she opens her eyes is Dani. She opens doors and windows. She sleeps. She waits. She never falters. She never forgets. 

Most importantly, she hopes.

**Author's Note:**

> as always, I can be found on [tumblr.](http://banshee-cheekbones.tumblr.com) :)


End file.
